I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
