Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Bring me that man meat
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
