How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
