yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize