I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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