1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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