My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
