I think I won the penis lottery.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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