FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
