If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
