Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
