He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
