Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
