Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
