I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize