last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
