I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You were trust falling into bushes
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
