You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
