don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
