Your tits are I can't wait for
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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