Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize