She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
