I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
