I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
