i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
