Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
