Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
