Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
