think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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