I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
soo... how was my night?
Randomize