I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Please, let me fuck your mom
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
