I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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