so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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