I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
this boner is exhausting
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
