We need to rekindle our bromance
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Randomize
