Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize