barbara walters just said penis...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
