I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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