Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's shark week go big or go home
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
