Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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