Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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