Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
