I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
