The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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