Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
