I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
