The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
