MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
