Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
