So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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