The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize