You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
