You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
