Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
