I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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