Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
