Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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