True but thats because hes a fetus.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
