Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
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