He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
