Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize