I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So apparently I’m into choking now
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
