There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
