wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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