Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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